how to deal with the guy you dumped

You may not understand your ex's PDH (public display of heartache). But here's how to handle it with care.

Guy meets girl. Guy dates girl. Girl dumps guy. Guy morphs into a crazy ex-boyfriend. He might call you every night and beg you to take him back. Or he could go in the completely opposite direction and totally ignore you. But here's the thing: No matter how a guy acts after you break up with him, the fact is that he's hurting. It's no fun getting dumped!

So remember, even if he acts like it's no big deal, inside he's secretly dying. Here are the four most typical post-breakup guy behaviors. Deal with them the right way and you'll not only help your old flame get over the fact that he's been snubbed, you'll also save yourself the pain of putting up with an ex who's making you nuts.


SCENARIO 1: HE KEEPS CALLING "JUST TO TALK"
HOW TO DEAL: Whatever he says, if a dumped dude keeps calling his ex, it's a play to win her back (or to keep tabs on who she's hanging out with). To keep your ex from sucking up your cell minutes, just say, "It's too painful for me to talk to you right now. I need time." Okay, so he's the one who needs time — but he doesn't realize it. If you put a stop to the talking, you'll be doing him a huge favor.

SCENARIO 2: HE TALKS CRAP ABOUT YOU
HOW TO DEAL: If a guy is talking trash about you, it's probably because he's really busted up about your split. He still has feelings for you, but since you hurt him, he wants to hurt you back. To shut him up, get him alone and tell him that you understand his motives for being mean, but it's not helping his case with you at all. If that doesn't work, move on with your life — he's the one who'll look bad, not you.


SCENARIO 3: HE PROFESSES HIS UNDYING LOVE
HOW TO DEAL: Big romantic gestures are a last-ditch effort of the truly desperate. So if your ex texts, IMs, e-mails, or leaves you a pathetic voice mail begging you to be his forever, don't respond — and don't make fun of him. You might find yourself in the same situation someday, and you wouldn't want karma to come back and bite you when you put your heart on the line, would you?

SCENARIO 4: HE IGNORES YOU COMPLETELY
HOW TO DEAL: If your ex starts totally ignoring you, it's most likely because seeing you is just too excruciating. You might think you're helping by reaching out to him and explaining yourself, but you're not. You're only prolonging his pain in an effort to make yourself feel better. Give him time to nurse his wounds alone. He'll eventually get over you — and you'll get over feeling bad for him.

BOTTOM LINE:
Being the dumper can be just as hard as being the dump-ee. But no matter how bad you may feel for your ex, remember that you ended it for a reason. It's natural to want to help him recover, but the best thing you can do is leave him alone. Whatever you do, never get back together just because you feel bad. If you do, he'll be the same guy you dated, hated, and then dumped — again. And you deserve more than a never-ending game of relationship yo-yo.