2008 Tarakan Youth Mission - Part 1

I did went to other country before, that is to Singapore but just one half day.Now, this is the first time I'm going to mission and to another country for a week and the first time leading 2 staffs and 8 youths to Mission.

I have some doubt before this, I was thinking why God always choose me to do something that I never did before. The understanding is like a blind man force to lead those who are not blind and some of the blinds. And another kind of understanding is I have to be fast to lead and learn in order to fulfill something greater in the future. In my younger days, I always prepare to lead but never a chance. But now I never prepare to lead but the chances are always called to lead.

After one and another, never stop calling (FCC -> TWU). Fears came and filled in my bottom of my heart. Fear of facing bad consequences, Fear of authority, Fear of responsibility, Fear of Losing someone, Fear of being rejected, Fear of making wrong decision, Fear of parents bad feedback. There are so much fears to overcome. People keep asking "Why I don't drive,is it because of your father's case or you caught an accident before?" all I can say is "Nope! Not at all!! Ya Ya I know I should drive, don't worry! I will, I will" and a silly smile on my face. But never dare to. This is not so me!!

Now the calling became greater. Beginning of this year, I suggested to have youth mission because I know it's good for the young people and me. We can learn more and I can learn more from the leader who lead us but who knows it has been approved in SEPT and the leader is me!! Unexpected Surprise!! I never want to be a leader and I never thought of that fast!! What?? not even some practical experience??

Obediently & some mumbling and some disagreement! But I still followed because It's good for the youth and this is the opportunity. Last time a leader said he will lead but failed to, so I don't want to miss the 2nd chance. But now it's too late to regret and say " I'm so sorry the mission trip has been cancel and we will not go unless we find a better leader!"

My problem is I feel stress! I feel no joy! After being questions by the parents and someone who is in upper level authority and the problem of changing date and I just don't know what else I've missed out! and I still need to do it no matter what. I have to lead and I will lead.

Now the exact date to mission is 22nd to 29th Nov. Hahah..Can't wait to write another testimony after the mission trip. Should be a life changing experience!