Why, I can't sit down quietly!
I've served God for 1/half months. Am I a slacker? Think of that word really seems true to me. Table work? whole day? For me it's doesnt need to finish up whole day.why I'm doing all this? This can be done in midnight. Those days I work until midnight in the office or out of office. I felt happy and this is my life..now go back early, t night go cell group then sleep early...what is it? I need more work...out reach work....How, where should I start?
Thanks God for I did the first minister visit last week with my mom, I really enjoy it. we are like partner! Mom and daughter become partner? work in unity? sense God's work? no objection!
I dont know what will happen next after 3 months! where is my next step? more to come? what is that? I scare, I worry, one day I hate it.
Saturday night, God reveal to me that I dont love him wholeheartedly, My God is not satisfy my life to Him, He is not happy what I have offered from the past, My Lord said not enough! How sad I'm. Yes I did well in my work, receive few good comment.....but God told me I dont want That kind of offering.
Why I cant love my God as I love others?Past days my best friends, my father, my sisters and brothers in christ.....! Why?Everytime I thank God for them in my life, then things happen next following days. They no longer beside me or with me, either went further study or they have disagreement on me.......God never fail to take away all my friends that I love!
How can I not afraid of putting lots of affort on them and train them and love them?what If God take them away from me one day. Again! my heart break. How sad it will be!
Even I told my mom directly, "I cant love u and I cant put affort on u, because I scare I love u more than My God! but I said, I really cherish the time together with her." So I didnt go to KLIA at 5am with her. I go to bed because 9am I need to work until night 1030pm. afraid that I have not much energy to work.
I'm tired and no more passion to walk.....I know I need to come to the Lord but I cant quiet down my heart. I just want to walk, move and talk. As the Lord reminded me again, Im like Martha (Luke 10:38-42)
Lord empower me, and silence my heart only for u. Let me see the work on my desk is getting smaller and smaller than being with You! Open my spiritual eyes and see your wonderous work and Your heartbeat!
posted by !+'S N.+ $. ME @ 12:26 PM
4 Comments:
been there, done that...
Well, with regards to your tiredness, you do need to actually take a break once a week from your ministry to simply rest. Sit at home, do nothing, think about nothing but God.
It's no use if you can be the perfect servant in church and yet, you forgo your time with God. I am guilty of such a sin... Do not walk in my ways...
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deu 6:5)
Jesus said this is the greatest commandment of all. Next is love your neighbour as you love yourselves.
Just something to ponder:
Have you ever wonder why God put in His words that "with all your heart" come first among the three?
"with all your heart..."
Because your heart matters to God. Your heart is the central of your whole being, your everything, your wellspring of life. God wants to reside in your heart.
Whatever you're doing right now, might not exactly be what you like. But...
"whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31)
Do it all for God. It's okay to let Him know your desire in serving. But He has His plan and His time, remember? :)
Take heart sister. Do not ever lose your heart in anything else.
Give time for the Father on above, He will surely heal you from your tiredness. Be the woman that God wants you to be, ya? :)
well this is always a problem for me to silence down...... Even I have time to silence down, I will not like to silence my mind or for God. My mind always work and work and work....move..move..go..go..all about work.
Although I know its important in my knowledge...but work in practical...I need rebuke from Him hahaahhaha
God never promotes extremity. It's always balance life. Always.
And I dare to say, yours is not balance.
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